Dear Inner Child (A Letter to to Little Me)

Dear Inner Child is not just a letter. It is an acknowledgment that I was once a child. When children live through abuse, they often don't see themselves as children. They don't see themselves as deserving human beings. It took a long, long time but this is me finally recognizing my child self was worthy.

Dear Inner Child,

Hello beautiful! I know you don't think you are beautiful but believe me when I say that you are. You don't feel it because of how you are treated. You aren't told and you aren't allowed to be you. You are beautiful because of your creativity and your ability to see more than most. You are beautiful because you have a big heart and a beautiful soul.

Dear Inner Child,

You are a survivor. I know you feel very lonely but you put that loneliness aside for your family. You adore your mother and look up to her but it’s your siblings who are your world. You feel responsible for them. You are the oldest after all. You feel strongly and without a second thought that they need to be protected. You won't be able to protect them from everything and this will haunt you for a long time. It will even affect your parenting in the future.

You will become obsessive about protecting your children. More so than most parents because you will remember that failure and that will lead to fear that you will fail your children. But know this dear girl: Your siblings will go be okay. They will have their own battles to fight. They won't need you to be their protector. They won't need you to be their mother. What they need is for you to be their sister.

When they go through hell, be there for them. When they have to fight their own battles, be supportive. When they fall - and they will - don't judge them. Give them space. Listen to them. It will be hard sometimes because, in your eyes, they are angels. You see their potential. You see their worth way before you see your own. They sit high on that pedestal but they are only human. Just like you. Understand that they have to find their own paths. You will each find your own way. Believe in that.

Dear Inner Child,

You feel so much with such depth. You are curious by nature and are a deep thinker. You don't recognize this yet because you have to hide. You have to lock away your emotions and show no fear. You also have to hide your pain. For a long time, even those closest to you will not know what you've been through and how you feel.

Locking these emotions away will cause resentment within you. This resentment will boil to anger and rage. By the time you are an adult, that anger will spill out. I'm not telling you this to scare you, dear girl. I just want you to be prepared. I also want you to know that you got this. You see, just like your siblings, you will fight against your own demons and you will win.

My dearest inner child,

You will go through most of your life believing you are a freak. You will be convinced that God hates you and that you are a monster. Well, I'm here to tell you that you're not a freak. You're not a monster. You are a human being with real, human emotions and a mind of your own. You stand up for yourself and for others. You are a fighter.

You will have many insecurities, especially as a teenager and young adult. You will feel so much shame and humiliation. You will hide them well but remember this: Every human has insecurities. We aren't perfect. We are not meant to be and that is totally okay. People will manipulate you and try to take advantage of you but you will learn from these experiences.

You have always believed that every child is a gift but you always excluded yourself from that belief. So hear me now, young one, you are a gift. You are just as much a gift as every other child on the planet. God doesn't hate you. The universe isn't out to get you. All the pain and loneliness you feel right now will turn you into a vibrant, powerful, compassionate, and strong woman.

My dear, dear inner child,

You will get knocked down but you will ALWAYS get back up! You will make mistakes, but you will ALWAYS learn from them. Why? Because you are a warrior. Because everything you have gone through will lead you to a better path. You don't know this yet. You can't even comprehend it but you will love yourself.

You are a Survivor. A Fighter. A Warrior. And while your siblings and your children will be your heroes, you will become your own hero. You will find your own worth and you will love and be loved beyond all measure.

You are my hero!

With love and respect,

Adult You!

There is more to say but I'll leave it here for now. Thanks so much for reading!