I Don't Know Where to go From Here

I don’t know where to go from here.  What is there to really say at this point? I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep. I’ve been very anxious all week and Tuesday night just made that anxiety so much worse.

I’ve been fighting depression all year. Starting in February, things just took a nosedive and I have been struggling to stay afloat.  The results of the election certainly didn’t help.

Most people will say, it’s not the end of the world. They just don’t understand. It’s as simple as that.  This entire year has sucked ass and from where I am sitting, the future isn’t looking that much better.

I will still do what I have to do for myself and for my boys but our futures are looking pretty bleak right now. 

We are poor and I strongly suspect we are about to get a whole lot poorer. 

I HOPE I AM WRONG. 

God, I hope I am wrong.

But the cynic in me can’t afford to believe it.

And many of my friends who are part of the LGBTQ community, POC, non-religious (like myself), poor, disabled, women - many of us are feeling hopeless right now.

And that’s not even going into what I’ve been dealing with in my own personal life.

I have no desire to keep blogging anymore.  I started a Patreon that I don’t really even care about. I am struggling to maintain my desire to stream and YouTube is becoming such  a cesspool for hatred that I just want to unplug, move out to the woods and stay the hell away from the world.

But I can’t do that either.  It’s too damn expensive.

I don’t know how much longer I will keep my blog to be honest.  

Maybe things will get better and I will be in the right headspace to write again but for now,

I just can’t.

I’m living in the Twilight Zone where nothing makes any sense.

I need to take a long ass break.