A Path Forward

The past few months have been a little chaotic. Never mind what has been going on in the country and world but in my own personal life. Most of the time I’m good but life doesn’t come without stress.

About a month ago I was diagnosed with an Autoimmune Disease. This is definitely not something I ever thought would happen to me. I’m pretty healthy. I live a decently healthy lifestyle. I certainly don’t live like most of my family - drinking, partying, drugs, etc.

I live a quiet, reasonably healthy existence. I figured I would be good if I took care of myself. I always had a strong immune system. I think that’s where my idea came from.

All of my life, I rarely got sick. Despite some really bad things happening to me as a child, my body stayed strong. Even through starvation (part of my childhood trauma), my body somehow managed to not only survive and protect me but eventually thrive.

I never got any major health issues and I really believed that it was because my body was strong. When I stop to think about it, it had to be, in order to endure some of the things I’ve endured in my life.

Even after giving birth - I had 2 c-sections and the doctors told me to take it easy and not do much. Then they told me that I have to at least try to walk around. When I did though, they were surprised as many women can’t after having major surgery like that.

Maybe that went to my head a little because it further encouraged my own pride in my body being strong and because of this, the thought of getting an autoimmune disease never even crossed my mind.

Honestly, I thought I would end up with some mental incapacity by the end of my life before my body would ever give way.

Is that silly to say?

To me, not really. I already have PTSD and there have been cases of Mental Illness in my family history, like Dementia.

Of course, there are cases of Cancer in my family and that has been a fear of mine. My grandmother died of Cancer in her 40s. I am in my 40s.

Cancer is the only thing I ever thought about when it came to what could make my body sick.

Another Perspective

There is an upside for me though. While it has taken some time to process having this autoimmune disease, I have to say that as diseases go, I’m still pretty lucky.

The autoimmune disease that I have is called Pernicious Anemia. Basically, my body can’t absorb B12. Now, most people hear this and ask me, “what’s the big deal with that?”

The big deal is that if I don’t treat it, it could lead to more serious long-term things like neurological issues. It could eventually kill me if I don’t treat it.

Treating it

I am treating it. Right now I have to get B12 shots injected once a week. Hopefully, I will go to monthly shots but this is something I will have to do for the rest of my life.

Still, this isn’t so bad. Not for me. I’m not crazy about needles but I can do it because I have to. I’ve never been one to not do something if it’s something that I HAVE TO DO.

I do it. Full stop.

So Here We Are

This is where I am at. I turned 45 last month and my body is still going strong, even though the changes it is going through right now are a little stressful.

I know my body won’t last forever. I know it won’t stay strong forever.

That has been a hard pill to swallow. More than anything.

Since getting the shots though, I can tell you some positive things that have happened.

I have more energy. I am getting up early in the morning without being so groggy that I want to sleep until I’ve slept too long and wasted my day away.

This gives me the time I used to have and loved - time to do my morning yoga.

I finally have the energy to go on more walks, which I have missed so much.

So, my body is getting better and this is helping my mind.

I may not be as strong as I once was but I’m not done yet. I still have a long way to go before I am ready to throw in the towel.

I’m still strong enough.

Thanks so much for reading!